“There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children she didn’t know what to do.” –Mother Goose
A mother is a mother whether her shoe is filled with one or seven. The nine months alone in the womb count towards heavy labor.
Here’s a thought: Give moms an entire week in May, not just one day.
Start on Sunday with the nice-but-notenough church pulpit recognition to “all the mothers in attendance.” Moms already know they are Proverbs 31 virtuous women material, so why not gift them with something practical? Divide the offering on Mother’s Day amongst all the moms. They could sign an oath before the congregation that the money would only go towards pedicures, haircuts and much-needed new underwear.
Massage Monday follows. Moms get this treat at the spa of their choice. (Toddlers or pets walking all over their backs as they lie on the living room floor do not count as a massage).
Of course, Tuesday of Mothers Week should give these women all the tacos they want for free at any self-respecting taco establishment. Vegan moms can opt for Tuesday Tofu.
When Wednesday rolls around, moms from Ballinger to Baltimore would be treated to another massage. The tacos or tofu overload might require some intestinal cleansing, so another spa visit makes perfect sense.
Despite the chances the family is growing resentful of all the attention Mom is getting, Thursday continues the pampering. Mom needs a Dad Day, sitting in a plush recliner with her feet propped up watching the Hallmark Channel or sports or westerns, depending on her tastes. Each mom gets lunch brought to her home courtesy of a food delivery service. Thursday’s gift to moms would be sponsored by a wealthy billionaire who just found another loophole.
Friday is fun for the entire family. Miss Valerie Frizzle and her Magic School Bus will pick up babies and toddlers and school-age children and whisk them away for magical field trips designed for all ages. (Yes, the bus will have safety seats because another billionaire purchased them as a tax writeoff). Mother will just wave goodbye and go back to bed.
The final day of this new celebratory week on Saturday gives Mothers what they want most: time with their families. Every day of the week, moms treasure unsolicited hugs and kisses from their little people. If the kids are older, these gestures are appreciated even more.
Who’s going to object to a week of Mother’s Days?
Moms, of course. No one but no one does our work quite like we do.
But the collection plate idea on Sunday has some traction—at least buy all the moms a new pair of shoes.
Snyder, Texas, native Sue Jane Sullivan is a retired schoolteacher whose thoughtprovoking commentary appears occasionally in several West Texas newspapers, including The Texas Spur and The Caprock Courier.
