Creatively undisciplined people ride highs and get sluggish in the lows. Is this statement an excuse, a rationalization, a regret? Probably a bit of all three. And why even write about it for public consumption?
Even at age 66, I want to be better. Writing about my mindset is a form of accountability as well as a message to the world that I have to work at what comes naturally to most: time management, money management, and physical and mental health management.
This past week was one of the highs. Attending informative sessions at the Texas Tribune Festival was like a vitamin B-12 shot for my mind. The organizers of this journalism event put together a host of public servants, journalists, authors and field experts who made sense.
They came from all walks of life and from across the political spectrum. Instead of book banning, I listened to their conversations about mental health, energy and immigration. Rather than give oxygen to the lie of a stolen election, these Republicans and Democrats and Independents wanted to talk about inflation, transportation, gun safety and Putin’s evil that impacts not just Ukraine but the world.
Finally, I was particularly drawn to the theme of rehabilitating faith through the core values of responsibility to our neighbors and love. That’s how former Ohio Governor John Kasich expressed one of his hopes for “our country of many faiths.” He lamented the fact that “religion has been used to motivate politics.”
All of the above reinvigorated me for 72 hours, and then the crash came. I slept more. I ate more. I let things pile up that needed attention. And then I got mad at myself for this life-long pattern that is “normal” for me.
So I start over, as I did yesterday. Physical activity in the form of yard work has always been a starting point for me to regroup. Reaching out to family just to check in and hear voices is another helpful reboot. And I write. One added job in the past month that has been good for me is covering a certain South Plains high school football team. On Friday nights now, I listen to their games on the Internet radio stream, take notes, call the coach for some quotes, and write the sports story for a local newspaper. And I get paid for it, so this additional free-lance job nurtures my love for sports and my need to supplement income.
There are so many “shoulds” in my life. Should be happily married for 44 years. Should be living in a house I own. Should be a published author of a bestseller-turnedinto- an-award-winning film. Should be healthier. Should be driving a restored El Camino. Should be playing pickleball and golf in the same day.
And I still could. Sometimes I am well on my way to making necessary changes. Other times I am eating a third bowl of Rice Krispies on the front porch in a rocking chair.
I seldom think to myself, “I should be happier.” Who I am and what I am at 66 is still meaningful and purposeful and joyful in most ways.
When my creative outbursts manifest themselves in coloring pages or photography or writing, it simply means I am channeling that unique thing that God put in my DNA. Sharing these creations with the world matters to me, but I still want to address balancing the highs and lows—and doing so in healthier ways.
Still working on that part. Snyder, Texas, native Sue Jane Sullivan is a retired schoolteacher whose thought-provoking commentary appears occasionally in several West texas newspapers, including The Texas Spur and The Caprock Courier.
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