Some school-year advice from the Interwebs

I’m not one to share memes, you understand. For the most part, life’s too short.

But having helped prepare my own kids and grandson for their first days of school—back in a more innocent-seeming time, to be sure—I recognized both the humor and wisdom in the often-shared post below.

Parents and grands, if you’ve already ushered your youngsters out the door with this advice, good for you. If you’re getting them ready this week, read on. If you haven’t mastered these skills yourselves, now’s the time to get cracking.

“A lot of parents want to know how to prepare their kids to start school for the first time. Our personal advice is to skip the flash cards right now and teach them the below things,” reads the message.

Self-Help

• How to open and close containers. Specifically the kind you’ll put in their lunch boxes.

• How to pinch and tear packaging. (Pre-packaged snacks, ketchup packets, etc)

• How to put a straw into a Capri Sun pouch.

It will take your child’s teacher a long time to circulate around the lunch table to assist. That means less time your child has to eat. Also, your child’s teacher would really love to eat too.

• How to put on a jacket so that the sleeves don’t get pulled through. How to fix the jacket if the sleeves do get pulled through. How to zip it up.

• How to zip and snap or button pants.

• Your child will be the holy grail of their class if they can tie their shoes.

Personal Care

• To go to the bathroom with the door closed. Lawd. Please teach them this. It may be no big deal at home, but it will be at school if they expose themselves to an entire classroom full of their friends.

• How to pump soap. How to properly wash their hands. To turn the sink off and dry their hands.

Social

• How to wait and take turns.

• How to share. How to compromise.

• How to listen and follow two-step directions. (First, take your jacket off. Then put it on the hanger) If you want to get crazy—try three-step!

Language

• Build vocabulary with them! Talk to them. Use big words. Explain what they mean. When they start to learn to read, it’ll be much easier for them to identify a word that is already in their vocabulary.

• Help them build their own language and memory by reflecting. Tell them what you need at the grocery store. When you get there, ask “What did we come to the store for?”

• Make them ask a question! Don’t let them say “I’m thirsty” and hand them a glass of water. You are being their problem solver, rather than having them find their own solutions. Teach them to ask for what they need. “Can I please have a glass of water?”

Coping Skills

• Talk very intentionally about strategies to deal with emotions.

• “When you’re feeling scared, let’s try doing box breaths.”

• “If you’re feeling sad, what’s something happy that you could think about to cheer you up?”

Your child will be ready to learn if you can just work on these things. All the academic stuff will come! You don’t need to pound their tiny brains full of memorized facts. Just work with them in developing as a tiny human.

Parents of upcoming (pre)/kindergarteners (and college fresmen too) — starting school can be scary, but we can do hard things!

Barbara Brannon, a native of Atlanta, Georgia, and a graduate of Georgia College and the University of South Carolina, has called Texas home for some fifteen years. Following a career in publishing, teaching, research and writing, since 2018 she has co-owned and managed, with Kay Ellington, a group of West Texas weekly newspapers.

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